A letter to rescue oneself from the tower.
A few months ago, I was asked to write a letter to discuss in the community the idea that princesses can escape from the tower by themselves, instead of the traditional fairy tale idea that princesses need rescuing. This is what I wrote:
I reviewed some of the fairy tales we grew up with, and effortlessly made a list of harmful ideas that these stories repeated to us, for example:
Princess tales are full of bad women, evil witches, sorceresses, envious women whose only purpose is to harm the princess. For these women, the worst humiliation is the triumph of the princess. Princesses have more animal allies than other women and if they have any allies at all, they cannot be of the same generation, they cannot be equals.
In addition, the evil of enemies is always accompanied by a lack of physical attractiveness. In princess tales, physical beauty is directly related to everything else, those who are beautiful are also those who have goodness, mastery, charm, piety, loyalty… those who are bad no one can love… after all, they are ugly.
Saying that princesses conform to beauty standards is an understatement, they are always the most beautiful in the kingdom, there is no comparison with anyone else. In addition to perfect beauty, they have all the other perfect characteristics, they dance perfectly, they are charming to the prince, they are good to their parents, and for some reason that I cannot understand, they all know how to do domestic chores perfectly. Princesses, from castles, with servants… excellent housewives… How?
And of course, to have a happy ending, the main element is to have a prince and only one, unique and special, to rescue us. In the end, they have the leading role, and princesses just wait. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are literally in a coma, doing NOTHING, until the prince wakes them up from their sleep… of course, in a coma, but beauty preserved. Those tales basically tell us that we have no value on our own.
At this point, I have no doubt as to why we sometimes feel so trapped, growing up with these kinds of ideas around us. But fortunately, as frustrating as that list may be, it also gives us the secret to rescuing ourselves from the tower.
The secret to being free is to take these ideas and throw them in the trash. Clearly, it is not easy when they are ingrained in our families and society. However, rescuing oneself does not mean doing everything alone. Company is necessary in life and our best allies are our friends. The real ones, the ones who make us better, the ones who understand us, the ones who cry with us, and above all, the ones who share our joys.
To the others, the stepsisters, it is best to leave them without much fuss. Leave them with resentment and bad vibes. We have the power to choose who we want to share ourselves with, and if they are not in our lives to grow better, leave them with a liberating ciao!
The perfection that fairy tales give to princesses and that is demanded of all women in the world is killing us, we have had enough. Trying to make everything we do perfect: daughters, mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives, cooks, maids, makeup artists, workers, everything, and we think everything has to be perfect. That is a burden that no body can bear.
We are already perfect, no matter how we are. No one should have the power to tell us how we should be, what makes us women and what doesn’t. If we want to set a goal for our body, I propose that it should be strong and healthy, and that’s it. Whoever doesn’t like it, can leave our lives and find someone who still believes in the story that we have to please them.
No more not getting our dress dirty or not scraping our knees or not saying bad words, no more “that’s not what a lady does”. It’s time to do what we want even if we’re not good at it, it’s time to fail, fall and get back up but in our own ventures, not in what others want from us.
Finally, it’s time to wake up and realize that we are worth it on our own, we are not a half, we are a complete being, we don’t need anyone to rescue us, we don’t have to wait for any prince, we are strong and brave, capable of looking out for our own well-being, capable of defending our needs, capable of making our own happy ending.
Looking for that state is how we grow and make a better story. Because time in the story is no longer spent on rescues, it is spent on growth of equals.