Celebrate, conmemorate or ...
On March 8th, which is celebrated as International Women’s Day, I tried to stay away from social media because I thought I couldn’t handle some of the comments. However, in the following days, I have seen the echoes of what has been said this year in response to several complaints from women who have asked that the day not be celebrated but commemorated.
a significant group of women has decided to take ownership of that day and commemorate it as we want. We have decided to spend it sharing statistics about the problems that women face, spending it in dialogues about the initiatives that exist to tackle those problems, and we have decided to spend it marching and making ourselves visible. Saying “we are here, present” and those of us who are here today are also here for so many that history has hidden, and for so many that we have lost due to problems that affect us such as domestic violence and extreme poverty.
We have respectfully asked to be allowed to commemorate the day as we have decided, and we have asked others to join us in the same way. It is a group of women that I cannot call a majority because I do not have statistics, but it is large enough to have made another group of people uncomfortable, who have labeled us as too sensitive, as those who cannot be told anything, who are the reason for our problems, liars, etc.
And to those people, I say, that is the point, that is the fight we are going through. We just want to be heard, to be allowed to decide how to spend one day a year, and somehow you manage to turn it into an attack on your poor egos?
When we say “nothing to celebrate,” we are not ungrateful, we are not incurable pessimists. We are grateful for the women and men who have fought to give us rights such as the right to vote and to own property.
We are proud and celebrate those who are an inspiration to keep going every day. We are grateful for the allies who have truly put themselves in our place and continue to fight alongside us.
When we say “nothing to celebrate,” all we ask is that that day does not become another day where women have to depilate, dress up, and wear makeup and fight with everyone for a reservation that day, that men do not have to set 300 alarms because they forgot the day and did not compare chocolates and flowers, and God forbid they are not as attentive as their friends’ husbands or boyfriends, etc. We want to celebrate that day without consumerism. If you still haven’t understood the simplest thing, it is: all we ask is that March 8th not be Valentine’s Day 2.0. We have decided that we want a day that is about women for women, ONE.
To me, it does not seem like an unreasonable request, it seems like a super accurate decision. So please, I ask you, listen to us, that is the point, LISTEN TO US, do not feel attacked, we are not saying that you did something wrong, respect our decision.
All I am saying is celebrate my day how I want, it is not an offense to you. Saying “I don’t want to celebrate the day with flowers” does not make me bitter, frigid, or hateful towards men, I have a request and I want to be respected for it.
In any case, if you feel confused about what to do with the women in your life, ask them, talk to them. How do you want to spend March 8th? Do you want me to give you something? Do you want me to accompany you to a march? Do you want us to do nothing? And celebrate it according to their response.
Wanting flowers and chocolates is not wrong either. It is not that you cannot say anything, it is that you have to be aware that the person on the other side of your words has the same right as you to express their preferences, and if they are not the same as yours, there is nothing wrong with that.
Did someone shout at you and treat you badly because you said “happy Women’s Day?” First, verify that they really shouted at you and not just told you that they preferred not to be told “happy Women’s Day.” That is a respectful and sincere response.
If they really treated you badly, trying to start a dialogue is an option. You do not have to tolerate people who treat you badly in life, who do not want to listen to your intentions and talk about them. But you cannot label a whole group with a respectful request as insurmountable feminazis because of one person who does not respond with respect.