Ladybugs...
Just over a week ago, I received this in my email:
“They say that everything we are looking for is also looking for us and that if we stay still, it will find us. It’s something that has been waiting for us for a long time. When it arrives, don’t move. Rest. You’ll see what happens next.”
I read it and immediately all my ideas about fighting for what you want, making dreams come true, practice makes perfect, etc. came to my mind and I replied that it was a lie, that one had to move and fight for what one wants every day and look for opportunities, that there were times when one does nothing and then regrets it, etc.
And suddenly, a conversation, in which we discussed how life sometimes teaches us that we are not indispensable and that life goes on even if we are not there, and in an instant we stop existing, while we spend our lives thinking about all the things we “have to do,” about being late, about being too old to do X or Y… about what would have happened if… or why it didn’t happen?
I think that instant gave meaning to the phrase and I also remembered “Under the Tuscan Sun” and the story of the ladybugs, where the protagonist is told: “When I was little, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I would give up and fall asleep in the yard. When I woke up, I had many ladybugs on me.” So I had to think about that possibility… in these couple of years, and especially this one… in which I have tried so many things, suffered so many changes, and I swear I have made my best efforts and every day I think things will be different, I have put my heart and my mind into the things I have wanted… and I still feel like the ladybugs are on a frantic run…
And well, I have to admit that maybe there is something there, I don’t mean what can I lose by trying because it would still be doing something to achieve things, it would be a new struggle, but maybe it’s time for my energy to stop wasting itself trying to believe things like “everything happens for a reason” (and sometimes the only reason I can find for that is that I am stupid or cowardly :P)… anyway, I’m tired of chasing ladybugs, of everything being a struggle… of blaming myself for everything that goes wrong… of finding that it’s my fault that something is wrong… maybe it’s time to sleep and let the ladybugs come to me… my good friend Alex also told me “Confidently allow your dreams to come your way” … instead of listening to Henry David Thoreau “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams”
P.S. This is not the time or place to discuss theological issues… let’s just say that’s an explanation that has nothing to do with my ladybugs…