Blessed mania
I am a street vendor and I am going to tell you my story, I think it happened because I never found shoes that fit me, and it can’t be said that I never tried, if anything, that’s one of my quirks, that no one can accuse me of not trying, as if people cared what I do, as if trying excuses my failures. And don’t think you’re reading the ramblings of a crazy old woman, I know about the world, and without meaning to offend maybe more than you.
I went to university, of course, back then I didn’t know as much as I do now and it was supposed to teach me what I needed to live well, of course, they teach you how to survive, being one more of a herd, following what everyone expects. I finished my career as expected and went out to look for a job, as expected too, I found one immediately, I told you, I’m good at what I do, because I try in whatever task is given to me.
I spent hours locked in an office, of course, I told myself: if I can’t find shoes that fit me at least sitting down should be more comfortable; besides, being paid a salary is a pleasure, faithfully one has cash to bet at least once a month and sometimes unintentionally one gets paid literally for sitting down. But after a short time I was a little bored, always seeing the same four walls and doing the same thing, hearing people tell the same stories over and over again. I told myself that maybe it only happened to me in that place, that if everyone works for years and years, builds a career and builds their future, why should I be the exception? I entered the ranks of job seekers again, and quickly I was seeing other four walls and new people… lie, it was the same thing, sitting, locked up, looking out the window at the beautiful days and the number of things I could be doing, and yet I continued to hear stories of nocturnal escapes, dogs, children, unfaithful husbands, bossy wives. I came to the conclusion that people endure work so they can complain about their lives.
After repeating that story a few times, to cement the fact of my faithful attempts, I realized that it was not enough for me; I had too much to see, too much to do, to do the same thing over and over again; I was afraid of waking up one day and realizing that I was old, wrinkled and bitter and that my only hope was to vent about how stupid my husband was at lunchtime. The shoes of a great executive - yes, the thing was big, don’t think I didn’t have the job anyone would want, don’t think I only experienced the underworld - were not for me.
As bad thoughts bring equally bad events, I started by staying away from everyone who knew me, because that way of life was the only one we all knew and by abandoning it, by believing that there was something more to life, they did what was expected: they labeled me as crazy, told my story at work and sat back to wait, probably, for me to end up under a bridge, with a lost look due to the abuse of some drug. That’s what happens in that world to people who don’t spend hours waiting for the end of the month.
So after following the manual of “how to live in a Western society”, I did everything else: I was a waitress and I heard many stories at a passing counter, but from seeing people so much I learned to listen to what the eyes and gestures say, much more interesting than what the mouth says; I got into a kitchen so that my tongue could satisfy its curiosity, and I learned combinations and formulas to deceive the sharpest of minds; I was a nurse and I recognize death with just a few minutes of seeing it enter a room; I ate a library for years, because I discovered that my life wouldn’t be enough for my eyes to see everything, so books helped me shorten the path to many places and I also found many who wanted to see the world through the eyes of another or perhaps see other worlds and escape from this one even for a while, that’s why I never charged fines as a librarian; I walked dogs, just to take a break from humans and see the road from four legs, maybe wagging the tail was the key to everything; I recited poems, made paintings that hang in museums, made ephemeral drawings with sand, had the shortest political career in history, competed in Olympic races… well, not that last one, the list is so long that it sometimes starts to be confusing.
And now what you’re waiting for: because I know what you want, I know what your curiosity is waiting to hear; that I also knew love: yes, I fell in love, I had to try that too, but since no one is good at love and love stories are the same repeated, I prefer that you put the periods and commas you want to that part of my life, the kisses and adventures that seem best to you and I even give permission to the hopeless to also give me a broken heart if that gives them comfort; to those I can share that I have felt the horrible and sometimes sudden end of the game; like a click and on the other side the undisputed tone of a disconnected phone.
The good thing about all this is that at first you think you have a hole inside because of the love that has gone…when one day you realize that the problem is that you don’t know what to do with the love that keeps accumulating inside…and that stops being a problem when you realize how much that love is needed, starting with oneself and continuing with all the people who need a call, an “I love you”, a goodnight… as much as water in the desert. Anyway, for this story I only mention it because that’s what you want. That’s what I dedicate myself to now, to guess wishes and if possible help fulfill them.
It hasn’t been easy to develop my talent and I don’t like to brag about it, but people are similar and always, after weighing a couple of possibilities, I manage to deliver through some artifact a clue to calm their hearts. Yes, little by little I learned that it is true that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, that sometimes we need something we have never had, that sometimes we just need a piece of our past and of course, many of the artifacts come to my hands, it’s because sometimes, what is needed is to get rid of what binds us, I tell you that I finally got the most important job: helping to maintain the balance of the world.
The good thing is that it can be practiced from anywhere, you can always give the universe a boost, look for example that now I’m working next to a road, full of cars, something happened, as I understand it near Paris and it’s not the first time I’m in the same situation. Sometimes you spend days in traffic jams, this is one of those occasions.
At the beginning of the congestion, there are only complaints and at the same time the hope of being able to continue soon and return to their coveted daily lives, at this point I stroll with my bicycle that no one notices being in the midst of those thoughts and that’s when I take advantage to guess their stories and start choosing what I will offer them or what I will keep for myself.
I can choose the lines in which the groups of cars will be divided, and who will be the leader of each “community”, even locked up in their small vehicle, they will eventually start to seek normality, they will start to want to imitate their lives outside, after all they can’t stand that a group of strangers think that their life is so miserable that it can be changed by sitting down all day moving the car 20 meters.
Sometimes I think there are some I’ve seen before, and all they do is travel from one side of the highway to the other waiting for traffic jams to make contact with others, yes at some point I may have changed their car radio, got them a more comfortable cushion, maybe I gave them advice on mechanics, there are also those for whom nothing can be done, maybe telling them stories of a better world while they plan their departure from this life, like that poor man who was just put in the trunk of his own car and hermetically sealed, he knew that nothing awaited him and so he decided it was time to leave.
And well, death is part of the herds wherever they are and one has to learn to deal with it, it’s part of the stories, and in this group we had an old man who had to leave his life partner, eventually he will follow her and I assure you (as you want to hear) that I made that trip as bearable as possible for them.
In fact, generally that’s where you start trying to avoid the death of the body, and then try to save the soul. The first thing to provide is precisely what is essential for physical survival, and in these traffic jams there is always a need for food and water, that’s why cars appear that no one knows where they come from like the Porsche on this occasion, of course there isn’t always everything, but after all, maybe some people need scarcity.
I already told you that I don’t like to talk about love much, the plain truth is that I don’t think the universe likes to talk about it much either, it’s more interested in practice. But you don’t have to be a fortune teller to notice two people who need it, like Dauphine and the engineer, some gadgets to slow down the pace of the other cars and keep them together, a little cold borrowed from nature, some blanket that the engineer doesn’t even remember having in his car and voilà we have the lovers of the group and Dauphine will go home with much more than a blanket or a stuffed animal; maybe I should have also given the engineer a phone book, but you can’t give people everything in life.
It’s likely that once again you’re thinking you’re reading the ramblings of a crazy old woman, but actually if anyone is curious I can give them a little tip about my job, the universe lives entirely inside each one of us and at the same time we all make the universe, we share it, we know the same things, we know each other, we have to look inward to help outward. Anyway, once again I’ll give you what you want, not to bore you with this anymore, that I’ve talked enough, I’ll leave you with my story.
Besides, today I’m a little nostalgic, the traffic jam has started to move and from my spectator’s seat I’ve had to say goodbye to them, maybe someone has returned the movement of my hand.
Nothing matters, someone else with tearful eyes will crash into the lamppost, some plane will use the road as a runway, or someone simply won’t want to go at the speed of the others, causing a new traffic jam, that’s right, always the same, always coming back, blessed mania of the universe to repeat.