He shall be so lucky...
Several months ago I read this: “Tontas e indefensas” (Silly and defenseless), where Mr. Leonardo Garnier recounts that there are studies that indicate that men prefer a subordinate woman in the long term, whom they can take care of or who needs to be taken care of, that they need to feel strong and powerful, needed… that if the situation is reversed and it’s an intelligent, independent, strong woman and who knows what other similar qualities… they scare and intimidate them… uyuyui!
At that time, I didn’t pay much attention to the article. With such subjective things, the topic was somewhat delicate and I said: this has to be a matter of taste. Just as there are those who like short or blonde or chubby or skinny or with a big butt or the complete opposite, there will be those who instead of looking for silly and defenseless women, look for intelligent ones who can defend themselves, and who cares if they are in smaller numbers… I would only need one :P
Then I realized that the percentage thing was serious, it wasn’t just Mr. Leo Garnier writing an article to please women who don’t find it easy to find a partner. It was my buddies, drinking buddies, hallway conversations, a friend of a friend, the current gossip… the thing is that the conversation was repeated.
At some point, for some reason, someone would ask “dude, but what do you see in that lady?”, “why do you love your girlfriend so much?”, “how have you been together for so many years?” or something like that… and the answer was often things like “because she adores me”, “because she sees me as such a strong man”, “it’s because for her, the fact that I’m X, I do Y, I make 5 pesos… makes me a catch”, “it’s because the girl’s family trusts me”.
I swear I’m not judging anyone. I don’t think they’re saying anything inherently wrong because they were saying it as the cutest thing on the planet, they were talking about why they love the woman they love and it’s their convictions, they believe in it and well if they say it, then their loving feelings come from there.
But that’s when I sat down and said oh my God no… please no, if someone ever asks someone else why they “have something with me” (to avoid labels), I prefer them to answer “because she has big boobs!”. At least the boobies are mine, a result of some genetic coincidence or God knows why, but they are part of me, a mine characteristic.
Don’t be with me based on what I think/want/imagine/expect from them. Hopefully they answer things like: because we are compatible in the way we see the world. Because apparently our future life plans coincide. Because I love spending time with that curly-haired girl and I don’t get bored and apparently we can spend a lot of time like that…
I believe in the concept of a couple, that sees me as EQUAL, that we are in the same boat, pulling in the same direction, not that I am more of this or have more of that, in the end, we all have things that add and subtract from us, the thing is to make a mixture that gets along well. It’s not about comparing, or trying to fix the world by oneself, that’s why in the end one looked for a partner. One knows better than anyone how to make oneself happy, it’s much more complicated to get involved in making someone else happy.
And clearly I’m not saying that one won’t need the partner, that they won’t cuddle and lend a hand. A few weeks ago I cried like a 5-year-old girl because I fell while dancing and let’s say I wouldn’t have minded being defenseless and silly, as long as the one taking care of me was aware that someday he would have to be the defenseless and silly one and I would be the cuddler…
Did you see that the thing was complicated?
Anyway, today watching Batman I remembered all this… Batman is told that they like the new girlfriend and Catwoman answers “he would be so lucky” and then I realized how important it is to believe in oneself, to know that one is an equal, equivalent part of a couple, a complete person.
I had been thinking about that percentage thing for a while, that if the little bug that didn’t want to have a pulse to see who has the biggest one or that wouldn’t “get intimidated” would really appear and I realized that I hadn’t paid much attention to the part that I have control over. You have to think “he would be so lucky”, he would be so lucky to want to be weak half the time, he would be so lucky to want to shoulder the burden half the time, he would be so lucky to hear me play the ukulele :P, he would be so lucky to want a partner and not someone who adores him, he would be so lucky to understand this mess (I’m in that one)…
But if I don’t believe that I am that whole part… if I don’t believe that someone will ever believe this story and the one who believes it won the lottery… I’m screwed… if I’m not going to be the one who needs convincing that I’m something very good, it’s going to be me who needs to be idolized, needed and reinforced that idea until eternity.
The first thing is to convince oneself that one is great and powerful… without comparisons or competitions… that another one will appear who knows that he is great and powerful and without the desire to prove anything else, they will want to be great and powerful together and equally lucky.